July 12th, 2015 Hare Rama, Hare Krishna Guest House, Varanasi, India
“As the embodied soul continually passes, in this body, from boyhood to youth to old age, the soul similarly passes into another body at death.” Krsna in Bhagvadgita
– Krsna in Bhagvadgita
As I strolled past heaps of stacked wood, the mighty Ganga River came into view. As clouds of smoke billowed out from a staircase, I covered my mouth and nose with my shirt. A group of men huddled around a fire, and upon closer inspection, I saw a human body being burned, with the head and upper body still intact and the legs and arms slowly being consumed by the flames. A family was grieving nearby, but a thoughtless tourist with a huge camera lens approached and snapped photos. A family member told him to move on. A heavy dose of reality stares me in the face as I’m reminded that no matter what we achieve in life, this is the ultimate fate that awaits us all.
The day continued with me walking alone, observing the bathing rituals in the polluted Ganga and the puja ceremonies. As I meandered along the banks of the Ganga, I contemplated the trivial nature of my own pursuits. Later that evening, I returned to witness another ceremony, this time better prepared emotionally, although not fully desensitized. A man picked up a limb on the outskirts of the fire and tossed it in. As the flames died down, a pack of dogs sniffed through the remains. As this grim scene played out, I shared a long chat with two young Indian men in their mid-twenties – one was a law student and the other an electrical engineer. We talked about the judicial system, the economy, meditation, the Hindu faith, reincarnation, and the benefits of not conforming to social norms.
All we are is dust in the wind
Through these meaningful interactions, my awareness has grown as I’ve discarded false beliefs and replaced them with a more nuanced view of my own existence. While my eventual fate will resemble the ceremonies observed today, perhaps there is some undiscovered revelation to give meaning to this futile search for answerless questions.
As the clouds darken and a downpour sends people rushing to seek shelter, I stand beneath a second-story overhang and hum the tune “How Do I Say Goodbye.” Today marks my final day in India, and as I watch a man with a cardboard box wrapped around his waist scurry beneath a food stand, I am surprised when he emerges completely naked. His movements are irrational and unpredictable, like an ant on a fact-finding mission, and he collapses into a large rain puddle. I can’t help but envy his freedom as he begins to pick tree leaves and rub them on his body like soap. He looks like a caveman lost in time, and passersby stare with astonishment at his bizarre behavior. But to me, the naked man wandering aimlessly seems more natural than the rest, who are hailing rickshaws and heading off to some predetermined destination.
The naked man disappears into the crowds at the Gorakhpur Train Junction, and I can’t help but think about how much India has changed me in just a few short months. I have experienced a lifetime’s worth of memories and emotions here, and tomorrow I will depart for Nepal, crossing a border into the unknown. Borders, while superficial and mostly unnatural, have the power to change the feel and emotion of a place. Even the slightest change can have the utmost significance. Will Nepal be a place where I keep my eyes to the ground, or will I explore with my eyes wide open, freely wandering down curious paths and scenic overlooks, reveling in the consistent beauty of existence? As I sit scribbling in my bed, stillness and silence envelop me, and a gentle breeze touches my skin. I contemplate the questions that lie ahead, knowing that the answers can only be found in the road ahead.
